even though. things suck rn. the year will end. and a new semester will start. and although i have three exams in a row within one single week in january it will be ok because the week after my korean class starts. and i am soooooooooooooooooooo fucking hyped. but i probably shouldn't be because i'll be spending four hours a week on things i already know. so yeah. early mornings are the best. i feel all motivated and crap. had some nice breakfast and some nice stanning. time to wash up and get some music on and finish these three weeks late lab revisions as well as this one week late labreport gogogogogoooooo



o<-< i learned a new smilemoticonthing today.
i'm banned from bts' blog because tistory's an ass and i feel shit because i wanted to leave a nice comment.
i failed two exams this semester.
i have three exams in one week in january.
i'm going to die from anxiety and things are basically poop.
but tomorrow is the semester's last lab and we're playing with ions and colorings and crystals and we're making a chemical garden I AM SO EXCITED and am dreading the labreports. i still didn't finish last week's report. and i have two reports to revise. and i'm basically shit what the hell why do i get paralyzed from depression and anxiety. getting things done shouldn't be hard? fuuuuckkkkkkkkk.

sigh anyway zion.t.


you wanna fuck me

i feel ultimate shit lately and i have an exam in 3 days that i haven't studied for but who even cares
i want to throw up

and listen to cocorosie until i break


hi december thoughts

It's Decemberrrrrrrrr. Beloved December. Let's recap all the good stuff of November.
- VIXX happened. It's been one month but it doesn't actually feel as if it happened at all. Completely surreal. After VIXX finished their Global Showcase tour they made their comeback with Voodoo Doll, and today they won their first ever trophy at a music show. BRB CRYING AGAIN. They are seriously amazing performers, the showcase blew me out of the water. I knew they were good, but experiencing their performances through a computer screen and in person is just.... different worlds. It was pretty much the single best experience of my life for now. And beyond VIXX, getting to experience the first Kpop concert in Scandinavia with one thousand fans joining together as one to cheer these guys on. It was amazing. I had a complete breakdown on the subway home. Oh and on the subject of VIXX, I also joined and got levelled up on VIXX fancafe in November.
- I passed 2 out of 3 exams. I got a B on one of them like what. I failed one and barely passed the other. It's good stuff because I have been really depressed this month. Schoolwork has been overwhelming this month, especially in combination with my other overwhelming BS going on...:
- BANGTAN. These fucking assholes. I've been following them since their debut in June, but November is when I really ended up stanning them full-time. I sent them like 5 actual handwritten letters, got levelled up on their fancafe and left like 5 more to.BTS letters. This was a big month for BTS I think. We won the rookie award at the MMAs. It's nowhere near the prestigious end-of-the-year award ceremonies, but it's still a very big award to receive. European fans also got them the best single and best rookie awards at the European So-Loved awards. And I managed to order their 1st limted merchandise. HECK YEA.
- EXO. Song of the year at the MMAs. Album of the year at MAMA. Do I need to say more? Their hard work is paying off. And now they made their special comeback with an amazing Christmas song and their popularity is just exploding. They will be household-names in no time at all.
- Android KitKat. Sadly they're not pushing the update for the Samsung Galaxy Nexus so I'm making do with only having it on my tablet. They're also only pushing the new launcher to Nexus 5 so I had to apply it myself but... I really love this update. I'm so happy with the direction they're bringin Android and really Google is doing all of the right things. I lava u Google.
- I got through the month. Sigh there were so many dark moments. I've been really down as the workload picked up, but I'm getting through it and I'm getting a better grip of things. Yay! The first week of December has been really good so hopefully it stays that way. I only have one exam this month so I'm feeling a lot better about things. Christmas is coming, I got my chocolate advent calendar and a pretty glittery non-chocolate one and snow has arrived.

Most played song of the month. RAP MONSTER and Popinjay's 7 dayz with at least >450 plays.


survey gogogogogo

  • 1. Did you wake up cranky?
  • I guess a bit yea
  • 2. Would you date an 18-year-old at the age you are now?
  • HAHAHAHAAHA YES FUCK i think i have a thing for younger guys kill me now thank you this is bangtan's fault
  • 3. Do you prefer to be friends with girls or boys?
  • anyone?!?!?!??!?! 
  • 4. Would you ever smile at a stranger?
  • yes
  • 5. Can you commit to one person?
  • yes
  • 6. How do you look right now?
  • like i haven't showered for four days 
  • 7. What exactly are you wearing right now?
  • chewed sweatpants old tshirt
  • 8. How often do you listen to music?
  • oooooooften but not often enough
  • 9. Do you wear jeans or sweats more?
  • both equally tbh i change out of jeans into sweats as soon as i get home
  • 10. Do you think your life will change dramatically before 2014?
  • nah
  • 11. Are you a social or an antisocial person?
  • mostly antisocial but depending on the situation i can be really social
  • 12. If the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say?
  • "ok"
  • 13. Are you good at hiding your feelings?
  • i dont think so eh idk
  • 14. Can you drive a stick shift?
  • i dont drive no
  • 15. Do you care if people talk badly about you?
  • if i dont hear about it no
  • 16. Are you going out of town soon?
  • noooooo
  • 17. When was the last time you cried?
  • today hahahahahaha
  • 18. Have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to?
  • yes actually
  • 19. If you could change your eye color, would you?
  • yes please
  • 20. Name something you have to do tomorrow?
  • labreport math chem first physics chapter shower..
  • 21. Name something you dislike about the day you’re having.
  • i didnt study enough sigh
  • 22. Have you ever liked one of your best friends of the opposite sex?
  • yes
  • 23. Are you nice to everyone?
  • idk????? i want to think i am but maybe i dont come off as it idk
  • 24. What are you sitting on right now?
  • my bed <3
  • 25. Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months and not cheat?
  • i know i can this is dumb
  • 26. Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have?
  • story of my life
  • 27. Who was the last person you talked to before you went to bed last night?
  • lol.. no one
  • 28. Do you get a lot of colds?
  • hum usually yeah but this semester i've steared clear of them most of the time?
  • 29. Have your pants ever fallen down in public?
  • not that i can remember
  • 30. Does anyone hate you?
  • idk
  • 31. Do you have someone of the opposite sex you can tell everything to?
  • nooo
  • 32. Do you like watching scary movies?
  • yes
  • 33. Are you a jealous person?
  • occasionally
  • 34. If you had to delete one year of your life completely, which would it be?
  • i guess my first because i cant remember it anyway hahahahah
  • 35. Did you have a dream last night?
  • 36. Is there anyone you can tell EVERYTHING to?
  • no
  • 37. Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years?
  • no
  • 38. Do you think someone has feelings for you?
  • no well yeah i know someone does but apart from them no
  • 39. Do you think someone is thinking about you right now?
  • yeah but dont -_-
  • 40. Did you have a good day yesterday?
  • hum somewhat
  • 41. Think back 2 months ago; were you in a relationship?
  • 2 months ago was right around the time we broke up so.. not sure
  • 42. Is your life anything like it was two years ago?
  • well similar because school but the workload is completely different
  • 43. If the person you wish to be with were with you, what would you be doing right now?
  • well i for one would be freaking out and he would probably be a bit annoyed
  • 44. What’s the best part about school?
  • learning things
  • 45. Do you have any pictures on your Facebook?
  • yes
  • 46. Do you ever pass notes to your friends in school?
  • friends? school? lol
  • 47. Do you replay things that have happened in your head?
  • yeah vixx' showcase but other than that no
  • 48. Were you single over the last summer?
  • no
  • 49. What are you supposed to be doing right now?
  • sleeping or studying hahahaha
  • 50. Don’t tell me lies, is the last person you texted attractive?
  • actually yes 


VIXX happened yesterday. It was pretty perfect and I have no words and I can barely remember anything of subtance. I cried the entire subway ride home and there was a nice scary looking guy keeping his eyes on me. (Awkward.)
I'm so behind on studying for exams and my lab report will not be in by deadline.
Losing my grip.
근데........괜찮을것같아. 못하면괜찮아...ㅠ


i can not deal with nam taehyun's perfection.

well, people's perfection in general.
i mean, talented people.

this. fucking. song.


meanwhile.. exams.


team b

"Will you not regret?"
"Why would I regret?"

We will wait.

in other news i keep breaking down in tears.


euheuheuheueeuheuheueuheuh går under.

mitt rum är rent iaf?

varför har inte fler killar kjol på sig? det. är. så. fint.



this is pretty much what's been keeping me alive this past week



i really
miss epik high's older
mellower music
pieces pt.1
tablo's instrumental collab
tablo's solo album

i should listen to nell more

i miss feeling that kind of hopelessness that drives you closer and closer to the edge
because when i felt that way i knew that i wouldn't doubt my decision if i decided to end myself
and it was somehow comforting.

this is annoying. i want to read more books but it's hard to find time. i need to cut back on my stanning. sigh. nell.

whine moan whine moan etc

livet är inte roligt just nu.


IMDB Top 249 - according to user rating (2012 list)

249 - Monsters, Inc. ★★★★☆
248 - The Incredibles ★★☆☆☆
247 - Drive ★★☆☆☆
246 - Mystic River ★★★★☆
245 - In Bruges
244 - Shutter Island ★★★★☆
243 - Magnolia
242 - Big Fish ★★★★☆
241 - The Truman Show ★★★★☆
240 - Beauty and the Beast
239 - Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl ★★★★☆
238 - A Beautiful Mind ★★★★☆
237 - Rosemary's Baby ★★★★☆
236 - Let the Right One In ★★★★☆
235 - Manhattan
234 - The Exorcist ★★★★☆
233 - Rocky
232 - Avatar ★★★★☆
231 - Star Trek ★★★☆☆
230 - Nosferatu ★★☆☆☆
229 - Rope
228 - The Wrestler
227 - Ratatouille
226 - Roman Holiday ★★★☆☆
225 - Infernal Affairs
224 - A Streetcar Named Desire
223 - Barry Lyndon
222 - Howl's Moving Castle
221 - The Diving Bell and the Butterfly ★★★★★
220 - Nausicaä of the Valley of the Wind ★★★★☆
219 - Ip Man ★★★★☆
218 - The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance
217 - The Wild Bunch
216 - The Celebration
215 - District 9 ★★★★★
214 - Twelve Monkeys ★★★★☆
213 - The Princess Bride
212 - Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2 ★★★★☆
211 - Anatomy of a Murder
210 - Stalker
209 - The Terminator
208 - All Quiet on the Western Front
207 - Gandhi ★★★★☆
206 - The Bourne Ultimatum ★★★☆☆
205 - Good Will Hunting ★★★★☆
204 - Dog Day Afternoon
203 - Dial M for Murder
202 - Finding Nemo ★★★★☆
201 - Groundhog Day ★★★☆☆
200 - Stand by Me ★★★☆☆
199 - The Graduate
198 - The Hustler
197 - Stalag 17
196 - The Killing
195 - 8½
194 - There Will Be Blood
193 - Million Dollar Baby
192 - V for Vendetta ★★★★☆
191 - Casino
190 - Life of Brian ★★★★★
189 - Network
188 - Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf?
187 - Slumdog Millionaire ★★★★☆
186 - How to Train Your Dragon
185 - Ben-Hur
184 - Elite Squad: The Enemy Within
183 - Amores Perros
182 - The Manchurian Candidate
181 - The Thing
180 - The Night of the Hunter
179 - Mary and Max
178 - The 400 Blows
177 - Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels
176 - Trainspotting
175 - Platoon
174 - La Strada
173 - Kill Bill: Vol. 1
172 - Gone with the Wind
171 - Donnie Darko
170 - Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid
169 - Into the Wild ★★★★★
168 - The Sixth Sense ★★★★☆
167 - Persona
166 - Fanny and Alexander
165 - The Big Sleep
164 - My Neighbor Totoro ★★★★☆
163 - Kind Hearts and Coronets
162 - Nights of Cabiria
161 - Annie Hall
160 - Scarface
159 - The Wizard of Oz ★★★★☆
158 - No Country for Old Men
157 - Jaws
156 - Black Swan ★★★★☆
155 - Notorious
154 - The Deer Hunter
153 - Toy Story
152 - The King's Speech ★★★★☆
151 - 3 Idiots
150 - The Secret in Their Eyes
149 - Hotel Rwanda
148 - High Noon
147 - The Battle of Algiers
146 - The Big Lebowski ★★★☆☆
145 - Strangers on a Train
144 - The Grapes of Wrath
143 - Cool Hand Luke
142 - Fargo
141 - Sin City
140 - The Passion of Joan of Arc
139 - Warrior
138 - Judgment at Nuremberg
137 - The Best Years of Our Lives
136 - Blade Runner ★★★★☆
135 - Heat
134 - Tokyo Story
133 - The Gold Rush
132 - Snatch.
131 - Diabolique
130 - It Happened One Night
129 - Batman Begins ★★★☆☆
128 - Die Hard ★★★☆☆
127 - Gran Torino
126 - Touch of Evil
125 - For a Few Dollars More
124 - Sherlock Jr.
123 - Up ★★☆☆☆
122 - Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade
121 - Inglourious Basterds
120 - The Great Escape
119 - Ran
118 - The Elephant Man
117 - The Lion King ★★★★★
116 - The Kid
115 - The Maltese Falcon
114 - Star Wars: Episode VI - Return of the Jedi
113 - Unforgiven
112 - Downfall
111 - Rebecca
110 - The Wages of Fear
109 - Wild Strawberries
108 - On the Waterfront
107 - The Seventh Seal
106 - The Sting
105 - Pan's Labyrinth ★★★★☆
104 - 2001: A Space Odyssey ★★★★☆
103 - Ikiru
102 - The Artist
101 - Yojimbo
100 - Princess Mononoke ★★★★☆
99 - Sunrise
98 - Full Metal Jacket
97 - Braveheart ★☆☆☆☆
96 - Grave of the Fireflies
95 - Oldboy ★★★★☆
94 - Raging Bull
93 - The Intouchables ★★★★★
92 - The Bridge on the River Kwai
91 - Mr. Smith Goes to Washington
90 - Amadeus
89 - The General
88 - Monty Python and the Holy Grail
87 - Some Like It Hot
86 - L.A. Confidential
85 - Gladiator ★★☆☆☆
84 - Witness for the Prosecution
83 - The Apartment
82 - Metropolis
81 - Singin' in the Rain
80 - Once Upon a Time in America
79 - The Green Mile ★★★★★
78 - Chinatown
77 - Reservoir Dogs
76 - The Prestige
75 - Rashomon
74 - All About Eve
73 - The Great Dictator
72 - Bicycle Thieves
71 - Back to the Future ★★★★☆
70 - Requiem for a Dream ★★★★★
69 - Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind ★★★★☆
68 - Cinema Paradiso
67 - Harakiri
66 - The Third Man
65 - The Treasure of the Sierra Madre
64 - A Clockwork Orange
63 - Aliens
62 - Das Boot
61 - To Kill a Mockingbird
60 - Lawrence of Arabia
59 - Life Is Beautiful
58 - WALL·E ★★★★☆
57 - The Departed
56 - The Pianist
55 - The Shining ★★★★☆
54 - The Lives of Others
53 - Amélie ★★★★★
52 - Vertigo
51 - Taxi Driver
50 - Alien ★★★★☆
49 - American Beauty
48 - Modern Times
47 - Double Indemnity
46 - Saving Private Ryan ★★★★☆
45 - Toy Story 3
44 - Paths of Glory
43 - Spirited Away ★★★★☆
42 - Terminator 2: Judgment Day
41 - Citizen Kane
40 - M
39 - North by Northwest
38 - American History X
37 - Apocalypse Now
36 - A Separation
35 - Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb
34 - City Lights
33 - Memento ★★☆☆☆
32 - Leon: The Professional ★★★☆☆
31 - Sunset Blvd.
30 - Psycho
29 - Se7en
28 - The Silence of the Lambs ★★★☆☆
27 - It's a Wonderful Life
26 - Raiders of the Lost Ark
25 - The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers ★★★★☆
24 - Forrest Gump ★★☆☆☆
23 - The Usual Suspects
22 - Rear Window
21 - The Matrix ★★★★☆
20 - Casablanca
19 - Once Upon a Time in the West
18 - City of God
17 - Star Wars: Episode IV - A New Hope
16 - Goodfellas
15 - The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring ★★★★☆
14 - Seven Samurai
13 - Star Wars: Episode V - The Empire Strikes Back
12 - Fight Club
11 - One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest ★★★☆☆
10 - Inception ★★★☆☆
09 - The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King ★★★★☆
08 - The Dark Knight ★★★☆☆
07 - Schindler's List ★★★★★
06 - 12 Angry Men
05 - Pulp Fiction
04 - The Good, the Bad and the Ugly
03 - The Godfather: Part II
02 - The Godfather
01 - The Shawshank Redemption ★★★★☆


피곤해진짜.. 학교힘들고.. 외.로.워.ㅠ 오늘슬퍼.. 하... 할수있을까.. ㅠㅠㅠ졸려




meningen med livet


c s n

T_T finally got to buying these T_T getting MAMA next time T_T


this is going to be my cuddlestuddybuddy this winter. a must for our cosy but chilly chemlecture hall.


i got my wallet like what 2 years ago and it's already breaking so i got this and now i can dump all of my coins fuck yes



good thangs
+ school finally started for real and everything is overwhelming and i feel like this all of the time

+ exo are finishing up their promotions soon, today we got our 13th win and 3rd triple crown


+ g-dragon's new album, icona pop's samsung galaxy campaign song, snsd's new japanese single


+ lost my appetite completely



bad thangs
- school = people = constantly reminded of how much of an awkward penguin i am
- exo are finishing up their promotions soon
- gd's R.O.D is destroying my ears
- spent all of my money the day i got it now i'm poor again
- brainfail



i cant/didnt try to sleep so survey yay

01: tell me the truth, what made you start liking the person you like right now?
funny badass awesomehotsauce and he put effort into breaking through all of my fucking walls.
02: what on your body is hurting or bothering you?
my ears are in some pain right now because of my headphones. awesome headphones otherwise. steelseries yeahhh.
03: what was your last thought before going to bed last night?
wow i suck i shouldn't be here why am i not with my new classmates partying
04: what are you listening to?
05: what’s something you’re not looking forward to?
going to bed because then i cant blast music into my head
06: where do you think your best friend is right now?
in sid meier's civilization v
07: have you kissed anybody in the last five days?
no sigh
08: sex on the first date?
i don't date wtf is dating but i don't think so even if i wanted to i would be too awkward ha ha
09: kiss on the first date?
if they initiate possibly?!??!! thank bf i don't need to think about shit like this
10: is there one person you want to be with right now?
11: are you seriously happy with where you are in life?
fuck yeah but uhm could be easier you know
12: is there something you would like to say to someone?
yeah sigh BE MY FRAND HOLD MY HAND BE PATIENT WITH ME KEEP APPROACHING ME etc shit i'm not easy to become friends with
13: what are three things you did today?
14: would you rather sleep at a friend’s or have them over?
at a friend's because this place is just no
15: what is your favorite kind of gum?
i don't like gum much but uhm peppermint is fine
16: are you friends with any of your ex boyfriends/ girlfriends?
"friends" not really but on decent terms i suppose? no contact really
17: what is on your wrists right now?
hairband scars
18: ever liked someone you thought you didn’t stand a chance with?
yes sigh
19: does anyone have strong feelings for you?
yes cries
20: are you slowly drifting away from someone?
i think maybe everyone constantly fuck
21: have you ever wasted your time on someone?
ha ha ha yes but i don't consider it "wasted" per se. i'm content with my choices. regrets are pointless.
22: can you do the alphabet in sign language?
nope but sign language is dope teach me
23: how have you felt today?
superlow superhigh
24: you receive £60 without any reason, what do you spend it on?
UK pounds?????? i put it in my bank account until i manage to decide what exo merch to spend it on or possibly fallingdesign/mykimchi4u things
25: what is wrong with you right now?
if only i knew
26: is there anyone you’re really disappointed in?
disappointment isn't something i dwell on much but yes sigh
27: would you rather have starbucks or jamba juice right now?
wtf is jamba juice and i've never had starbucks so idk neither
28: why aren’t you in ‘love’ with your last ex anymore?
it was just the way it was, i had to move on to another place in life
29: how late did you stay up last night and why?
i can't remember but i don't think it was that late
30: when was the last time you talked to one of your best friends?
physically or?
31: what were you doing an hour ago?
32: what are you looking forward to in the next month?
school getting started, settling into routines, FALL HEYYYYYYYYYYYY
33: are you wearing jeans right now?
34: are you a patient person?
35: do you think you can last in a relationship for three months?
going on three years
36: favorite color?
black always works, green is fantastic, blue is cool too in the right shades
37: did you have a dream last night?
yeah i had a nightmare. not cool.
38: are you wearing jeans, shorts, sweatpants, or pajama pants?
39: if someone could be cuddling you right now, who would you want it to be?
i don't want to cuddle rn but hey bf are you up for this
40: do you love anyone who is not related to you?
define "love" and "related" but one kind of love yeah
41: if someone liked you right now, would you want them to tell you?
tell me i will love you for liking me
42: do you like meeting new people?
ha haaaaaaaaaaaa shit this is complicated but i suppose when it comes down to it no because i always fuck it up but if i didn't fuck it up then i would love it
43: are you afraid of falling in love?
i was yes
44: ever self-harmed or starved yourself?
i do what the fuck i want to my body ok
45: has anyone ever told you that you have pretty eyes?
yeah but my boyfriend has nebulae in his eyes beat that
46: have you ever felt like you weren’t good enough?
only every second always sigh



uh so first day of school. was ridiculous. in a good way. i am dead.



it's the 25th. orientation on 27th. :| euuuuuuuuuuuuuugh. sooooo. tolga left 2 weeks ago and then i was super depressed and im still kinda depressed but at least i can get myself to shower and brush my teeth now. the first days were easier because THE INTERNATIONALLLLL 3 so i was just busy watching that and enjoying bailey's. just about getting back into all of the routines. everything still sucks but uhm. it's getting better. i just hoped i would be back to 100% normal by the time school starts? but i am so not okkk. the first week is just fun activities that i'm not completely sure i'll attend because i'm short on money and need to be careful with how much i travel until i get study aid and can get a subway card but also because i'm awkward as fuck. i wish i knew someone who's starting too so we can hold hands until all of the social dynamics settle haaaa. :( i'm hoping some other people feel the same? or is it just me? i am clueless to how people work but ah well. exo has been good kids and distracting me lately, since they opened their bwcw collab store earlier this month letter projects have been created cus you can drop them off at the store so i've been writing some of those. i'm really have with my d.o. letter but the rest of them are just.... poop. HAHAHA SORRY. anyway the big 3 have solo artists promoting rn which is amazing tbh, SM with Henry, YG with Seungri and JYP with Sunmi. and ALL OF THEM ARE AMAZING. lots of good music to dig to this month. when tolga was here i took a liking bailey's and i'm craving it so bad but i can't afford it HA :( i need to buy some groceries today so i'm gonna buy some bailey's ice cream also. omnomnomnom. i have nothing to say really. looking forward to school starting and at the same time not. so now i cooooooome to yooooooooou with brooooooooooken aaaaarms etc.


endless sighs

tolga is leaving soon :( few days :( the closer it gets the more :( i become :( unbearable.

hey btw exo.

isn't it perfect? it's perfect.


mens i have to wordssssss.

- getting ready to spend money on course litterature omfg excited books
- guys guys guys exo is having their comeback this weekend i am peeing myself growl is perfect i love music show staffs who leak things for us
- life is awesome and easy with tolga only he leaves in 9 days :(
- f(x) made their comeback with a shitty track (SMENT WTF IS THIS TREND WITH SHITTY TITLE TRACKS??!?!) and their album is perfect an D.O. is in it omfg
- i am so ready for this fall.. first thing i'm doing when tolga leaves is backlog what exo stuff i missed (HAPPY CAMP T_T) and going to repeat AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALL THE MATHS. looking forward to clinging to Khan Academy yet again. i also want to get a haircut because holy fuck i am sick of this radiator of a hairlength. also new semester means csn and new school materials to buy. c:

alsooooooo tolga somewhat fixed my pc so that i can play some games on it now. i am so happy.

meanwhile razer sucks and all of the d's in this post are copypasted.