it's christmas break and i'm very happy and occasionally depressed. no highs without lows, right? putting up with it. D-24 until school starts. mmm. there's love, right? different kinds. i don't really care for differentiating them, i don't see the point. anyhow i live for it and for my love for music and my favourite artist. never been as happy as i've been this year. all due to all of this love. 2014 going out with a bang and 2015 going in with a boom? rap monster either way. it's a good time, good love.


more nostalgia

Spent half day sleeping and the other half watching 미생. Coming back to life again. Nostalgic.
Best moments of 2014?
140223. Supreme Boi retweeted me. Supreme Boi is on Bangtan's twitter timeline which means my tweet was on their timeline and Namjoon saw my tweet for sure. Not a big deal but. It was a beautiful day and it counts. And Bangtan retweeted Emily. Huge.
140226. ASC. Just as an audience member but it was cool. I was on camera quite a bit in the beginning.
140227. Mnet Meet&Greet. Bangtan acknowledged me and read my message and dlkjfglfg.
140409. I asked Verbal Jint to say something controversial on twitter and he said "Fuck 고구마핏자". Legendary.
140528. ASC After Show. Let's just say I still can't believe???? this????? happened?????????
140625. Namjoon commented on one of my fancafe posts. The post was on behalf of one of my favourite artists and had nothing to do with me but. He commented on my post. And he got to take part of amazing art. "w3w".
140728. Saw Bangtan as they arrived at the airport. Complete mental breakdown and I couldn't even look at Namjoon and yeah. I realised I was not immune to Hoseok's fan service as he threw hearts through the bus window.
140729. Showcase and high five event. An even worse mental breakdown. I don't like to talk about it because I don't remember much.
140804. Namjoon wore this random as hell shirt I left in his gift box at the showcase. It wasn't worth taking a picture of and I kind of regret that now because I would've wanted to be able to verify it but oh well.

It's not like the rest of the year has been forgettable, it's just that nothing significant like the above really happened. I did well in school and I ended up on a path that I feel is right for me. I've loved a lot this year and I've been very happy. I shall run the bumps into the ground and keep struggling. 2015 will be good.


im probably speaking bullshit

honestly hella ready for 2015. bring it on. can't wait to be done with these last two exams and get to spend all my time on love for a month. for some kind of reason fandoms are faced with tons of scrutiny. sometimes somehow people with vaginas expressing emotions is perceived as the most awful thing on earth. it's easy to look at crowds of screaming fans at concerts or whatever and pass them off as childish, insane, etc. but honestly what fandoms do is amazing? fandoms unite people all over the planet through love for something. call it cults, call it worship, whatever it is it is through love. i've met so many amazing people through fandom and i've experienced so much happiness thanks to fandom. i've spent a lot of time and money on it, much to the dismay of my mother who dismisses my interest as childish and silly, but i would do nothing differently. many argue fandoms are efforts wasted on people who won't remember your face or your name, or don't care about you but only the money. (that last statement would be ironic put in the context of the kpop industry.) but why is it so important to be remembered or acknowledged? i had a period where i ended up receiving certain acknowledgement from my idols and it was extremely thrilling, and while i certainly hope to be lucky for something like that to happen again, i am content with my idols not knowing who i am. i don't love them expecting to receive something back, i love them just because. that's all.


i feel nostalgic

mmm. okay so. last academic year was like running head first into a brick wall. repeatedly. then i was p much depressed throughout the summer and then school started and now everything is kinda too good to be true. even though life was super difficult this year it was a really good year and i feel like i found a good place and really i'm just so happy? i'm so so so happy and scared that something will punch me in the face and set me back to square one. but i'm intending to start 2015 out as nice as possible. i feel good and fluttery and sparkly and glittery. nice. anyhow this pretty much was the kick-off to my hell of an awesome year and it still makes me hyped as fuck. honestly this year rocked. thank you bangtan.

this person is life



laptops make all the difference

i need a change of environment. this is why i move stuff around my room quite often. i find myself at a standstill and i can't focus and i end up loathing studying in my room. they're replacing the windows in our apartment next week so i'm taking the opportunity to do it again, since i will need to move stuff around anyhow.

in other news hormone war promotions are ending. it was fun. felt like 진격 times almost. namjoon and yoongi are back to working on music into the early mornings. it feels familiar. so much like last year. nice and safe.
zico keeps messing up and it hurt a lot this time. buckwilds members and other people and fans keep defending him. we're "overreacting", "it's just a word". (!!) so much for equality, right. reminds me of the people who keep arguing we should keep the n-word in that fucking aged word for chocolate ball. there are absolutely zero reasons to use slurs towards someone. none. if you want to insult someone use another word. it's not difficult. i wish he'd realise what he did wrong and apologise so i could go back to listening to him without feeling shitty. meanwhile his korean fans act like it's a fucking joke and the buckwilds members defending him is killing me.
android's shifting over to lollipop and i feel like i'm geeking out over app updates daily these days. also got into the closed beta of the new naver mail app.. i hated the old app, it made naver mail a pain to use, but the new one is a breeze. new gmail is brilliant as well. i like inbox quite a bit but not being able to use my domain email is a huge obstacle i can't get past. having to re-direct my emails back to my backup email is just really annoying. now i'm just anticipating the new google calendar app, i'm using solcalendar for now which is fine. i'd love to see a new naver dictionary app with naver's new translation service baked in. nate comics got an update not too long ago but that app is still shit. mmm. i've been using workflowy to compile my notes for school but the bullet limit keeps getting on my nerves. so i tried using onenote but that program sucks ass on desktop. (not to mention windows 8 is a pain) keep is too basic. google drive isn't what i want really. my next step is probably trying out evernote. hopefully the free version isn't too restrictive. and that's the end of my geek ramble.. two exams and one oral test in the same week coming up soon. good luck, erika.


list of dope shit lately

- lists n workflowy
- school n increasing korean comprehension
- bangtan finished their promotions FINALLY bless
- bangtan touring the world in the upcoming months so lots of army frens will get to see them in their countries! so happy for them i just hope they stay the fuck away from europe for idk at least 6 more months
- benji and benji and benji and benji
- ROY FUCKING KIM and IU and Younha
- then there's Swings and Zion.T
- i forgot Childish Gambino stole my heart recently
- (benji you too)
- Blue Foundation
- Warpaint and Keaton Henson and Daughter
- Purity Ring and FKA twigs which i always pronunce as fuck a twig in my head
- just music in general not to mention Jhené Aiko aka goddess
- i managed to get a pretty OK balance of bangtan, porn and photography on my tumblr dashboard which is nice
- mom bought new duvets n pillows and bed is heaven
- waking up before the sun rises is starting to become a thing again
- the math exam i was gonna do this month was moved to next month aye
- living on 0 money made me realize how much shit i was wasting last semester
- i drafted up an idea for a book that ill write in lets say 20 years or so
- also revived my writing tumblr .. which consists of only cool oneliners
- hair grows n stuff so itll be comfortably long again soon
- musicbee and rainmeter and reddit kisses u all

some minor undope shit
- cant afford spotify premium <//////3
- theyre replacing the windows of our apartment starting w46
- benji turns me on like fuck n messes with my emotions and
- ran outta tea


"everybody's a fighter"

In these hands I'll hide, in these hands I'll hide
While this world collides, this world collides



Oui j'ai pleuré mais ce jour-là
Non, je ne pleurerai pas
Non, je ne pleurerai pas


the semester hasn't even started yet and i'm already tired. i want to move my bed in front of the window, curl up in it and listen to music and sometimes look at the sky.



Though I'm afraid,
Afraid that I have made mistakes.
Now there's nothing here for me.
The things you once told me,
The thoughts you once gave me,
Sound like the wind in my ears
That blows out the knots I've got in my long brown hair.


i wanna get back to using this blog the way i did back then but im not sure how.


boreeed about the blogger

- Name: erika
- Eye Colour: grey gray however u wanna spell that
- Hair Style/Colour: shoulder length very uneven brown
- Height: max 170cm
- Clothing style: style is not my style
- Best physical feature: ha! no

- Your fears: not being happy
- Your guilty pleasure: mmmmm basing all my choices on being happy so basically eating junk
- Ambitions for the future: become as fluent as i possibly can in korean but languages take a lifetime of learning so yeah.... korean

- Your first thoughts waking up: "shit why didn't my alarm ring what's the time why is it so bright outside"
- What you think about most: bangtan
- What you think about before bed: bangtan
- You think your best quality is: i'm delu enough to be happy a lot

- Single or group dates: no dates
- To be loved or respected: loved??
- Beauty or brains: brains usually comes with beauty
- Dogs or cats: cats

- Lie: yep yep
- Believe in yourself: nope
- Believe in love: if there is one thing i believe in it is love
- Want someone: yes god fucking damn it

- Been on stage: nope
- Done drugs: not the ones i wanna do
- Changed who you were to fit in: naturally yeah and it was shit i'm gonna try my best not doing that again

- Favorite color: black
- Favorite animal: whales are cool
- Favorite movie: the fountain

- Day your next birthday will be: i have no idea but probably a weekday i bet tuesday or something
- How old will you be: 22 what the fuck
- Does age matter: to society yea to me no