it's christmas break and i'm very happy and occasionally depressed. no highs without lows, right? putting up with it. D-24 until school starts. mmm. there's love, right? different kinds. i don't really care for differentiating them, i don't see the point. anyhow i live for it and for my love for music and my favourite artist. never been as happy as i've been this year. all due to all of this love. 2014 going out with a bang and 2015 going in with a boom? rap monster either way. it's a good time, good love.


more nostalgia

Spent half day sleeping and the other half watching 미생. Coming back to life again. Nostalgic.
Best moments of 2014?
140223. Supreme Boi retweeted me. Supreme Boi is on Bangtan's twitter timeline which means my tweet was on their timeline and Namjoon saw my tweet for sure. Not a big deal but. It was a beautiful day and it counts. And Bangtan retweeted Emily. Huge.
140226. ASC. Just as an audience member but it was cool. I was on camera quite a bit in the beginning.
140227. Mnet Meet&Greet. Bangtan acknowledged me and read my message and dlkjfglfg.
140409. I asked Verbal Jint to say something controversial on twitter and he said "Fuck 고구마핏자". Legendary.
140528. ASC After Show. Let's just say I still can't believe???? this????? happened?????????
140625. Namjoon commented on one of my fancafe posts. The post was on behalf of one of my favourite artists and had nothing to do with me but. He commented on my post. And he got to take part of amazing art. "w3w".
140728. Saw Bangtan as they arrived at the airport. Complete mental breakdown and I couldn't even look at Namjoon and yeah. I realised I was not immune to Hoseok's fan service as he threw hearts through the bus window.
140729. Showcase and high five event. An even worse mental breakdown. I don't like to talk about it because I don't remember much.
140804. Namjoon wore this random as hell shirt I left in his gift box at the showcase. It wasn't worth taking a picture of and I kind of regret that now because I would've wanted to be able to verify it but oh well.

It's not like the rest of the year has been forgettable, it's just that nothing significant like the above really happened. I did well in school and I ended up on a path that I feel is right for me. I've loved a lot this year and I've been very happy. I shall run the bumps into the ground and keep struggling. 2015 will be good.


im probably speaking bullshit

honestly hella ready for 2015. bring it on. can't wait to be done with these last two exams and get to spend all my time on love for a month. for some kind of reason fandoms are faced with tons of scrutiny. sometimes somehow people with vaginas expressing emotions is perceived as the most awful thing on earth. it's easy to look at crowds of screaming fans at concerts or whatever and pass them off as childish, insane, etc. but honestly what fandoms do is amazing? fandoms unite people all over the planet through love for something. call it cults, call it worship, whatever it is it is through love. i've met so many amazing people through fandom and i've experienced so much happiness thanks to fandom. i've spent a lot of time and money on it, much to the dismay of my mother who dismisses my interest as childish and silly, but i would do nothing differently. many argue fandoms are efforts wasted on people who won't remember your face or your name, or don't care about you but only the money. (that last statement would be ironic put in the context of the kpop industry.) but why is it so important to be remembered or acknowledged? i had a period where i ended up receiving certain acknowledgement from my idols and it was extremely thrilling, and while i certainly hope to be lucky for something like that to happen again, i am content with my idols not knowing who i am. i don't love them expecting to receive something back, i love them just because. that's all.


i feel nostalgic

mmm. okay so. last academic year was like running head first into a brick wall. repeatedly. then i was p much depressed throughout the summer and then school started and now everything is kinda too good to be true. even though life was super difficult this year it was a really good year and i feel like i found a good place and really i'm just so happy? i'm so so so happy and scared that something will punch me in the face and set me back to square one. but i'm intending to start 2015 out as nice as possible. i feel good and fluttery and sparkly and glittery. nice. anyhow this pretty much was the kick-off to my hell of an awesome year and it still makes me hyped as fuck. honestly this year rocked. thank you bangtan.

this person is life