yesterday i seriously considered suicide, for the first time in a very, very long time. mom makes me sick. i can't believe she gave birth to me when she doesn't even want me. she's not my mom in any way. "mom" is something i learned to call her, but i never felt she was. i'm just someone who lives under the same roof as her. yet she keeps insisting with controlling me, and at the same time she wants me to be grown up and do everything by myself. right, well. how about handing me some 10k so i can move to singapore? yes? no? no? ok then, i'll just feed off you until you die. just like a parasite, cause that's exactly what i am. i can't wait to get out of this hell. i mean, i really can not wait. my whole body is itching to get out of here. i could rip my skin apart, but that would leave scars, so i won't. i just made dollar bite my hand. it hurt really bad, and i smiled. LOL. freak. :) it felt good. pain equals happiness. really though, i miss how miserable i was. life was so easy. slitting my wrists, going to school, laughing with friends, feeling a panic attack coming and locking myself in the school bathroom, skipping class while walking home in the rain. i really do miss it a lot.

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